Garren: How can a generation who grew up watching South Park and Family Guy get so offended?

Garren: WHOA...this thing is saltier than the ocean. (He made his oatmeal himself.)

 Garren: Instant paper cut finders. That’s what hand sanitizer is.  

Garren: This is butt clenching. You know like, when you know something bad’s gonna happen so you clinch your cheeks really tight so nothing comes out. (Referring to the presidential election that was three days ago between Trump and Biden.)

Garren: Presidents should be required to wear jumpsuits like nascar drivers and have all their sponsors displayed on them. 

Garren: Don’t make me regret getting up off my bean bag. (We took him motorcycle camping.) 

Garren: I didn’t choose this thug life, this thug life chose me.

Garren: If dogs have such a great sense of smell, why do they like nasty smelling things?

Garren: Ryker, you make cooking mac and cheese look like an art.
(Ryker had cooked noodles and hot dogs in one pan and was melting cheese then mixing it with the cheese sauce and milk in a smaller pan. He cried when he found out “washing his dishes” meant more than putting them in the sink.)

Garren: My age is finally off the clock. (He’s 13.)

Garren: I can’t wait until I move out. It’s not that I don’t want to live with you. It’s just that you tie me down. 

Me: Please don’t eat that (sandwich) in the car. 

Garren: I’m not. I’m just admiring it with my tongue. 

Garren: Can you smell people?

Me: I suppose so...body odor, perfume...

Ryker: I smell like flowers.

Garren: I’d say he’s (Benny) our therapy dog, but we’re really his therapy people. 

Garren: Middle school dating is bunk.

Garren: We’re big year-olds now. (Referring that both he and Ryker now go to the youth group at church.)

Garren: Man, I love middle school. Everyone’s either crazy, stupid, or sassy.

Ryker: Garren when you move away to college let’s keep in touch.

Garren: I like that idea!

Garren: I hate Mondays. You want to know why?

Me: Why?

Garren: Because they’re transition days of the weekend to weekdays.

Garren: Ryker how’s  your week been so far?

Ryker: Like a cougar in a bathtub.