Ryker: "I want a pancake."

Me: "Do you see a short order cook in this kitchen? No."

Ryker: "I want a short cook."

Garren: "How did I really get out of you as a baby?"

Me: "Magic."

Garth: "Little fairies helped."

Garren: "No really."

Me: "I pushed you out."

Garren: "How?"

Garth: "From her girl parts."

Garren: (a whole bunch of) " Really? Are you being serious?"

Me: (a lot of) "Yes."

Garren: "Oh that's so gross. I think I need to take a shower." (He proceeds to walk away and turn on the shower.)

Garren: "Can we have like 2 minutes of freedom tomorrow?"

Garren: "I know what a groundhog is. It's like a squirrel that hogs things."

(I had asked Garren to tell me about his day. A pretty normal routine.)

Me: So you worked on handwriting and did a book report about the farm. Did you read the book or did Mrs. Hoiness read it to you?
Garren: I read it.
Me: What was it about?
Garren: I don't remember. [Long pregnant pause] I think I learned too much stuff.
Me: [trying to hold back my giggles] Should I ask Mrs. Hoiness to not teach you so much?
Garren: No. Today she just said a lot.

Ryker: "Grandma, will you come scratch Garren's back? It's hard work."

Ryker: "Look at the moon, mom! It's a smile!"