Garth: Man colds are real. My butt’s kicked.

Garth: Ryker, what makes you so happy every morning?

Ryker: I get to wake up and be in a family, with two dogs.

Garth: I think rebates are really just an IQ test.

Ryker: Where are we going? What store are we going to?

Garth: None of your business.

Ryker: Everything's my business except stuff between grown ups.

Garth: Good morning boys. Just know that you're my greatest source of pride and my greatest source of pain.

Garth: Boys don't throw the t-Rex in the house. 

Garth: It's a good sign when your marriage outlasts the appliances you were gifted at your wedding. (Responding to the fact that our garbage can and waffle maker called it quits within a day of each other.)

Garth: I don't know about you but I'm tired of picking up little white socks all over the house. 

Me: (Watches him bend over to pick up socks in the family room)

Garth: Oh. These are mine. 

Garth: Can I make you some eggs?

Garren: No, I like my own diet I'm on. Dinosaur oatmeal or Cheerios. 

Garth: "Garren I need you to cut my toenails."

Garren: "No. I'm only up for eating my own toenails."

Garth: "Oh my Internet [signal] is strong now. Just like the force."