Garth: It's a good sign when your marriage outlasts the appliances you were gifted at your wedding. (Responding to the fact that our garbage can and waffle maker called it quits within a day of each other.)

Ryker: One of these Cheerios just did parkour! (As he's pouring the cereal out of the box and into his bowl)

Ryker: I was like a bear protecting my baby from wolves. (On playing goalie in soccer.)

Ryker: I'm seven, I can retire. 

Garren: I bet I can sing jingle bells with armpit farts.

Garren: I didn't even need to use the smart part of my brain. 

(Doing math work)

Garren: In my opinion companions are pets.