Garren: "I'm so Hiccup, because I drink gross things."

(Hiccup is the character from How to Train Your Dragon.)

Ryker: "Mommy can I tell you something?" (from his room after he's been tucked into bed.)

Me: "Ya?"

Ryker: "Mommy, I love you."

Ryker: "Sugar makes me good."

(His argument of why he should get more dessert.)

Garren: "I want to ride my bike and shoot my bb gun at the same time."

Ryker: "Daddy, open your mouth big I want to see your treasure."

(daddy has gold fillings)

Garren: "I don't have a drivers license, but I can drive bumper cars."

Garren: "Arnold [the goldfish] is a girl."

Ryker: "No he's not! He's got no girl hairs on his head."

Garren sings the jingle: "Nationwide is on your side."

Then asks, "What does that even mean?"

Me: "They're an insurance company that want your money."

Garren: "OH... then they're not [on your side]."

Garren: "Daddy, I'll tell you how long rabbits can remember things... Until they die."

Garren: "Mommy, should we hang out and relax together?"

Isn't that a bit of an oxymoron? This kid doesn't know the meaning of 'relax.'

Garren: "I'm a five-year-old. I'm pretty much all grown up."