Ryker: I want to be a grownup. And I want to live in this house, I like this house. 

Garren: Bookinis are like underwear for swimming girls. Right mom?

Me: Yep! 

Ryker: Dad your beard is like a cactus. 

Garren: That was fun chasing girls. (He spent the evening literally running after the girls at Garth's Christmas work party.)

Ryker: Mom, am I sleeping or not?

Mom: I'm gonna go with not, since you're talking to me. 

Garren: Are you teacher-ing today?

(I was dressed nice rather than in workout clothes.)

Garren: Trust begins very small. 

Garth: I don't know about you but I'm tired of picking up little white socks all over the house. 

Me: (Watches him bend over to pick up socks in the family room)

Garth: Oh. These are mine. 

Ryker: Now it's getting wierd around here. 

Garren: What are pigs for?

Me: What do you mean?

Garren: Why are they in this world? What do they do for us?

Me: We eat them. Bacon, ham, Canadian bacon...

Garren: I LOVE pigs. (Licking his lips.)

Garren: I wish they made fish [flavored] popcorn. 

Ryker: Take me to your refrigerator. 

(Said in an alien-like voice.)

Me: You're kinda gross to watch eating, you know that? (As he has eggs hanging out of his mouth and tell-tell bread crumbs with chocolate smears from the banana bread he previously consumed.)

Ryker: Ya. 

Me: How's it going in there Ryker?

Ryker: How's my poop going?

Me: Sure, ya. 

Ryker: It's going good. Slow and steady. Remember, slow and steady wins the race! 

Garren: Sharing is the best thing ever. It feels like everybody is giving a hug. 

Garren: I think dad should be the alpha of our pack. 

Ryker: I know we're close now. I can smell Garren. (Hiking along the river trail far behind Garren)

Garren: Welcome to the family Fred. (Garth bought Garren a succulent from Trader Joes)

Garren: We have to pay to park?! Oh my gosh! Only Portland people do that!! (On finding parking at the zoo.)

Garren: If I had two stomachs I'd have candy in one and healthy food in the other. 

Ryker: Does our camper have wifi?

Ryker: When I'm a grownup I'm not going to drink coffee. I don't like coffee. 

Garren: Rosco's like a gift from heaven. 

Ryker: That's crazy. We have so much animals and we don't even live on a farm. 

(1 dog, 1 frog, 4 chickens, 2 guinea pigs)

Ryker: Did Rosco give you the cute eyes? 

(Rosco was begging to come in the car with us.)

Garren: I wish I was 18 already. 

(On not wanting to clean up the playroom.)

Ryker: Dad has gold in his mouth. 

Garren: Treasure!

Ryker: Mom, my taste buds don't like this. (I made him try stir fry.)

Garren: I'm not much a burper, I'm more of a farter. 

Garren: I'm hotter than 8000 polar bears in an African desert. (After lacrosse practice.)

Garren: My back itches, who wants to scratch it?

Ryker: She [mom] is a good builder and you [dad] are a good worker. 

Ryker: Garren can you see my lungs? (Opens his mouth wide)

Ryker: Ponycorns are not real, right mom?

Me: I don't know what that is. What do they look like?

Ryker: They have horns right here. (Touches his forehead)

Me: Ya, they're not real. (I liked his made up name of unicorns too much to correct him) 😊

Garren: Ahh!!! Rosco licked me in the leg pits!! (He points to behind his knees)

Ryker: At nighttime I think my room is like a jail. You wanna know why?

Me: Yes. 

Ryker: Because I'm shut in and can't leave and I can't watch any tv, or play any games, or anything. 

Garren: I wonder why cooks wear white when they cook? It just doesn't make sense. 

Garren: I feel like I belong in the forest. 

Ryker: Some flies suck blood. Did you know that mom?

Me: You mean mosquitoes? 

Ryker: Ya, mosquitoes!

Garren: No one is perfect except God. 

(Pause)

Ryker: I'm a little bit perfect. 

Ryker: Jetpacks are real. If you fly up to a rainbow and eat it you'll get rainbow sickness. 

Ryker: Soap and water makes things fall off. Like paint... and artwork...

Ryker: You don't even have a job and dad does. You're just doing guinea pig work and cooking...

Ryker: I just want to stay here and talk to the people that talk like me.

Dannika: In the United States?

Garren: Should I call dad's beard when it grows up, Whiskers?

Ryker: I like that eating machine. (referring to the paper shredder)

Ryker: Garren, I'm not getting any older here. (Stuck sitting at the top end of the teeter totter.)

Ryker: I'm not dressed. Don't talk to me. 

Garren: My hands are always sticky for some reason. It's because I have gecko hands. 

Garren: If this place has a gift shop, count me in!

Grandpa: Ryker do you feel better now [that you're in Oregon]?

Ryker: Ya, the trees are normal. 

(We were in California)

Ryker: I was born to be a boy. 

Garren: I'm making my famous chocolate milk right now. Please don't interrupt me. 

Garren: How did you know I like this birdseed?!

(Eating Chinese food and he discovered the sesame seeds.)

Garren: I bet you didn't know I could ride geese deerback. 

Ryker: Last one up the stairs is a pretty princess! The first one is a man cub. 

Ryker: Dad doesn't wear wigs. He's bald. 

Ryker: Is that the sun? Why does it look like white cheese? 

Garren: Did you know platypus' sweat milk?

Ryker: I'll let you know when the light turns green. So, you can look away. 

Garren: Either you come with me, or I'll beat you up. 

(Without missing a beat) 

Ryker: I'll come with you. 

Garren: Ryk it's time to tear down the fort. (Couch cushions & blankets)

Ryker: Wait! We have to take a picture first!!

(He is so my son.)

Garren: Hunters have stinky feet. They get it because they walk through stinky swamps and other stuff like skunks. 

Ryker: She doesn't like puddles. (He was referring to our car.)

Ryker: Mom, do dad call you Honey?

Me: I don't think so. Why do you ask?

Ryker: 'Cause some grown-ups call each other that. 

Garren: Me and Ryker thought if I colored my bottom red I could be an ape. 

Ryker: No, a baboon! 

Ryker gave me math story problems while we drove home after dropping off Garren.

“I had 10 trees in my backyard and a wolf peed on 3 of them. How many are left?”

Me: What's on your shirt? Is that dinosaur oatmeal? (As I continue to pick off the food.)

Ryker: Uh-hu, I'm not hungry for it.

Garren: You've got to become the eggshell to get the eggshell. 

(On how to scoop out broken pieces of eggshell out of the pan)

Ryker: I can see my wind. It's coming from my nose too. 

(Referring to his breath in the cold air)

Ryker: Mom, I want an American baby doll. 

Ryker: Garren, wait! 

(Watches as Garren drives away with grandma.)

Me: That's ok, you can tell him when he gets back. 

Ryker: Yah. (long pause) No, I won't remember. (carries on with his business)

(Driving to school)

Me: Woah! What is that, sunshine?!

Garren: That's God reaching out to you. 

Ryker: It's snowing here and it's not even Christmas!

Ryker: I'm full. (While eating dinner after two bites.)

Me: No you're not. 

Ryker: Alright, you got me this time. 

Ryker: Mom can I turn on the TV?

Me: Sorry, dad said no TV today. 

Ryker: Darn it! (Runs downstairs to talk to his brother) 

Mom agrees with dad. We can't watch TV today. 

Ryker: I really want my blankey. I like the coziness of it.