Garren: Something smells like poop around here. 

Ryker: I do because I just goed poop [in the bathroom].

Ryker: I want to mop! Is it like playing a game?

Garren: I may not be dumb, but I am smart.

Garth: Can I make you some eggs?

Garren: No, I like my own diet I'm on. Dinosaur oatmeal or Cheerios. 

Garren: Why does Monday even have to exist? I wish it was just a weekend. 

Ryker: I'm actually full of thirstness. 

(After drinking his glass of milk and insisting he needed two.)

Garren: I'm never wanting to die from young age. 

6:40 AM

(Garren bursts through our bedroom door.)

Garren: MOM, YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS!

(Proceeds to vigorously rub his head back and forth across his pillow pet that he has laid on our bed. Then abruptly stops and gives it a slap to watch the mini electricity show.)

Me: That's called static electricy. 

Garren: I'M GOING TO LIGHT THE WHOLE HOUSE UP!

Ryker: Garren is a wild man.

(Watching Garren through the patio door in our backyard chase the chickens.)

Thanksgiving (aka Turkey Day) is a week away. 

Ryker: Are we going to eat chicken on Chicken Day?

Garren: We're having Minecraft meetings today and tomorrow. 

Ryker: I want to take Japanese, Chinese and Earth. (Referring to what foreign language he wants to learn in high school.)

Ryker: I like to play with toy kitchens because real life kitchens are scary.

Ryker: Dagnificant!

(This seems to be his new favorite word to express. I'm not sure if he made it up or is mispronouncing a real word. Either way I love it.)

Ryker: Did you see that truck?

(Referring to a semi truck driving without its trailer.)

Me: Ya. 

Ryker: It's naked. 

Me: I think you have a hard time following directions. 

Ryker: No. I'm just being me mom. 

(said so innocently)

Ryker: Don't get snippy with me.

(Said in a warning tone to Rosco dog. Rosco was laying on the floor sleeping.)

Ryker: I misty heard you. 

(How he says, "I miss heard you.")

Garren: AHH! A wasp! They're just like flies except they can hurt you. 

Garren: I had a bad dream last night.

Ryker: I have a way to fix that. Don't go to sleep. (Said very serious)

Ryker: I'm happy but I'm just not smiling. 

Ryker: Mom I eat stuff that's on the ground sometimes. Okay mom?

Ryker: Dear God, thank you for almost my whole family. 

Garren: Why's everything so expensive nowadays?

(Referring to Legos at Target)

(Ryker just woke up and was out with Garth and Garren last night at Mike's house)

Ryker: See look! 

(As he's got a big grin plastered on his cute face, wiggling his first loose tooth.)

Me: Did someone punch you last night?

Ryker: No! I just eat [ate] lots of candy!!

Ryker: Can I still have training wheels when I'm older. Just with a bigger bike. 

Garren: Everyday is a holiday with me. 

Garth: Are you going to go to college [someday]?

Ryker: No. 

Garth: So you're going to have a low paying job?

Ryker: No. I'm just going to live here. 

Garren: My lying days are all over. 

Ryker (watching tv): Is that a kid or a grownup? 

Garren: She's a teenager, so she's both. 

Ryker: Can we get medical alert, mom?

Garren: No we don't need it. It's only for old people that don't always carry their phones. 

Ryker: Sometimes I don't carry... oh ya, I don't have a phone. 

Me: Come on Ryker it's time to go pick up Garren. 

Ryker: I want to stay here with Rosco. 

Me: I'm sorry, that's not an option. 

Ryker: Oh, geez. 

Ryker: "I want a pancake."

Me: "Do you see a short order cook in this kitchen? No."

Ryker: "I want a short cook."

Garren: "How did I really get out of you as a baby?"

Me: "Magic."

Garth: "Little fairies helped."

Garren: "No really."

Me: "I pushed you out."

Garren: "How?"

Garth: "From her girl parts."

Garren: (a whole bunch of) " Really? Are you being serious?"

Me: (a lot of) "Yes."

Garren: "Oh that's so gross. I think I need to take a shower." (He proceeds to walk away and turn on the shower.)

Garren: "Can we have like 2 minutes of freedom tomorrow?"

Garren: "I know what a groundhog is. It's like a squirrel that hogs things."

(I had asked Garren to tell me about his day. A pretty normal routine.)

Me: So you worked on handwriting and did a book report about the farm. Did you read the book or did Mrs. Hoiness read it to you?
Garren: I read it.
Me: What was it about?
Garren: I don't remember. [Long pregnant pause] I think I learned too much stuff.
Me: [trying to hold back my giggles] Should I ask Mrs. Hoiness to not teach you so much?
Garren: No. Today she just said a lot.

Ryker: "Grandma, will you come scratch Garren's back? It's hard work."

Ryker: "Look at the moon, mom! It's a smile!"

Garren: "Something's wrong with my nose. It's making too much snot."

Garren: "That's not fair the printer does all your work for you!! I want to run my homework through the printer."

Garren: "My farts stink. I get it from my dad."

Garren: "I wish I could have all the guinea pigs in the whole world... Well maybe not. That would be A LOT of guinea pigs."

Garren (age 6): "Well I'm seventeen! Or should I be called nineteen?"

Garren: "Mom are you overreacting?"

Garth: "Garren I need you to cut my toenails."

Garren: "No. I'm only up for eating my own toenails."

Garren: "I'm too young to die."
(Sitting on the toilet, feeling sick.)

Garren: "Who would be weird enough to kiss a girl in public?"

We were woke up this morning by the boys to solve a debate. Garren was arguing that our bodies are made of blood & bones. Ryker was arguing that our bodies are made of mud. I heart biblical debates from my littles!

Ryker: "Why are you up there?"
(To Garren who was perched on a nook opening above a doorway.)

Garren: "Why am I up here?! [giggle] Well I'll tell you why I'm up here! To store my acorns of course!!"

Ryker: "Mommy here are my clothes. Can you please make them not dirty?"